My advice for new moms

New baby smell...Infants

Buy what you NEED and register for the rest, your baby won't care that you got the cutest new diaper bag with matching wallet if they are wearing a newspaper diaper and a lobster bib.

White clothes will only be white the first time they wear it, save yourself the trouble buy black,emo is SOOOOO in right now

Accept that you will smell like puke from now until their 1st birthday, skip the perfume, wear lysol

Nothing in their diaper will look like what you fed them, deal with it now before the "what the H,E, double hockey sticks is that" happens to you

Have 20 blankets, onsies, and bibs clean and at your reach at all times, naked babies are frowned on in public, especially in the winter time

Know it, own it, love it...2 words...BURP CLOTH...unless you like the yellow stained shoulder look, to each their own you weirdo

bye bye diapers...The Toddler years...

anything and everything you own will be in their mouth, if you are fond of it, nail it down

At one point your child will swallow something that doesn't belong in the food pyramid, don't freak out, remember though if it is a quarter you don't get back 2 dimes and a nickle

clothes are the devil, they will strip and hide them wherever they see fit, learn now that duct tape works wonders

if you get them a really cool toy...keep the box...after 10 min they will opt for the box instead

silence may be golden but so is the bracelet they are feeding to the cat...if it's quiet, run and foil their plan

toddlers are very sneaky they will give you the sweetest toothy grin they can muster minutes before sticking a hot wheels car in the vcr or cheerios up their nose

their pull-up may be dry but hold off on the reward until you have checked every cushion, corner, and closet

Just when they get to the age that you feel they are getting easier...The preschool years

Every child eventually cuts their hair off, not in a nice place, normally the very front of their head leaving you a 1/2 inch long cow patch that will take months to grow back,(see picture at bottom) buy hats now

your angel will at some point color on the walls with crayons and/or markers and you will find it weeks later due to it being behind a bed or under a poster MAGIC ERASER!

Macaroni and cheese is a food group all it's own, the dr won't tell you that its a conspiracy

uncrustables are the best food ever (according to my 4 year old) hey she is the only critic I need

Don't say their playmates are their little boyfriend/girlfriend as a cute little nickname, once they hit kindergarten and they are drawing hearts and holding hands and you have to go postal it kinda looks bad lol

Have fun with them because it goes way too fast, once they start grade school you will see them 5 hours a day and wonder where your baby went that used to say "mommy...Moooommy, MOooooMMMMMMY!!!!!!!!!!" and when you reply they say "I love you" :)

I would love to hear some of your practical advice for new moms and maybe some funny stories!